Friday, November 6, 2009

The heart's desire

Have you ever felt cold rain? It just washes over you, having this sense of cleansing you throughout. I had one of those experiences today. It felt oddly refreshing. It reminds me of when you cry big, crocodile tears over something that really cuts deep. I kind of feel that way. Like my heart's refreshed from my tears. I guess I better tell you the whole story.

It all started two years ago, exactly two years ago... His name is Sam and he was the first guy that ever called me. I made up a stupid excuse at the time, because I wasn't ready to talk to a guy! hehe He called later, and well, we started a friendship. He told me he saw me at his cousin's (my best friends' big sister's) wedding. Sam said he thought I was beautiful. We had a relationship for two weeks, and he ended it before it really ever got started.

We ended up hating each other for weeks! Extreme hate! BUT, on October 10th I got saved, and a month later, Sam did. We both began a new relationship with God. I found myself thinking about Sam, and even having dreams about him. This past February we found ourselves helping clean out our school. He had a bleach bottle, and I wanted it. It ended up with me with bleached pants! And that's how our friendship began again.

Sam and I started talking and before I knew it, we were best friends. That friendship was and is to this day the best friendship I have ever had. We went to prom together, and I prayed and prayed over the decision of being his. I felt this overwhelming "yes" build up in me.

That takes us to the summer. He went away to his grandparents for what he was suppose to be 6 weeks, but came back with flowers in 2. We were together always! We could finish each other's sentences. We were completely in love! Completely happy, completely having God as our center. We were the perfect couple...

Until two months ago when we went our separate ways. I can't describe to you the pain, the complete hurt that I felt. I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing. I promised I would wait for him. I didn't think I could ever be happy without Sam. I continued to do my devotions, not thinking I would get anything out of them. I listened to every one's opinions( believe me there were a lot!) I begged God daily for the chance of us being together again. Sam didn't break up with me because he was mad at me, or to break my heart. Sam broke up with me to get closer to God. I realized I had not once asked God what HE wanted. And that has been the key.

Do you realize how often we are watching TV, on the computer, texting, on the phone, listening to music, or with friends? How often do we listen to God?

I realized that we need to WAIT for God! Listen to His voice. He is the answer! I want to encourage you to follow God. There is a verse that has really encouraged me. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Also, if you have not read Psalm 119, I would strongly suggest it.

I hope this has made a difference in how you look at something. Anyone out there who needs to be prayed for, or is broken, or needs some advice, my email is Feel free to email, anytime! :)

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